


Take Me Back to the Start

by eclecticat



Category: VIXX
Genre: Burnout - Freeform, Comfort/Angst, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 05:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4992808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eclecticat/pseuds/eclecticat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hongbin wants to say “I’m so tired, hyung”, but exhaustion claims him before he can even speak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me Back to the Start

**Author's Note:**

> Written for shiritori.  
> Mostly Hongbin-centric, but there's RaBin....somewhere.

The air out of his lungs feels like its being swept. He clutches his chest as if it would alleviate the pain inside him. He feels like choking, like vomiting, like he’s about to collapse any minute soon. His black hair sticks to his face along with the sweat that trickles down his skin. A new song blares in the audio system and he feels his chest thump according to the music. He can barely hear anything – not the shouts of the directors, not the voices of his members, not even the distant yelling of their fans – all he can hear is the loud beating of his chest as if it’s rising to his ears in an attempt to go out.

“Bin, you okay?”

It’s the leader’s voice. His hands are on Hongbin’s shoulders, gripping it tightly. Hongbin manages to nod, manages to remove his left hand from his chest and his right hand on the wall. He stands straight and decorates a smile on his face. He thinks he ends up looking a little more loony and a little less okay; he can vaguely see it in Hakyeon’s expression.

Despite the whites blurring his vision, he can still see the frown in Hakyeon’s face. He continues to nod, voice slurring with “Yes, I’m fine. I’m okay. Just tired.”, but his feet betray him and he comes stumbling to the ground. Panic-stricken voices fill the backstage while Hongbin feels his head being hoisted upward.

“Hey, Bin!”

That’s Wonshik.

“Hyung! Hyung! What happened to hyung?!”

Hongbin can barely register Sanghyuk’s voice, but he can hear it as well as the small sound of Taekwoon hyung’s voice reassuring that he will be fine. But Hongbin’s sure he doesn’t know that. Nobody knows if he’ll be fine. Not even him. Jaehwan is the one who carries him, carefully lifting him behind his back. Their manager is talking hurriedly on the phone while Hakyeon is murmuring words to him. Things like “You’ll be okay, Binnie.” and “The ambulance is coming.” Hongbin wants to say “I’m so tired, hyung”, but exhaustion claims him before he can even speak.

 

\-----

  

Hongbin wakes up after eleven hours or so.

Everything feels weird. It’s like the first time he’s in his body. The feel of his skin prickles with each move and his eyes are blurry when he opens it. It takes him a second or so to feel his legs; the light weight of the white blanket tickles his bare legs.

He takes in the white ceiling, the fluorescent light and the wheezing sound of a nebulizer beside him. Smell of flowers soon attacks his senses and he moves his head to the left to see a huge bouquet on the end table. There’s a “Get well soon, Hongbin!” in gold letters placed in a light blue card and it reminds him of what has happened hours ago.

Him collapsing and the members panicking.

“I told you, Bin hyung likes vanilla better than strawberry,” Sanghyuk whines. Hongbin can hear the rustling of plastic bags and heavy footsteps against linoleum flooring. “I’m sure of it because I always buy ice cream with him.” Sanghyuk continues to protest. Hongbin panics and firmly shuts his eyes. How can he face his members now? They must think he’s a weakling for suddenly collapsing like that. They’re all busy with the upcoming comeback and solo projects, yet he’s the one who collapses first. Not even Hakyeon who is juggling radio shows, and dramas and interviews and comeback preparations and group meetings all at once. Not even Jaehwan who is doing the musical and the radio show and the comeback preparations.

Of all people, it has to be him to collapse. It has to be him to be the burden of the group.

“Sanghyuk, will you chill? This is for us, not for Bin. That’s why we got fruits, remember?” That’s Jaehwan for you. Gone is the funny personality he shows in front of the camera, to be replaced by his real persona: an impatient guy who is blunt in all the wrong ways.

“Cut it out,” Taekwoon murmurs, but the rest of them know it’s a warning. Hongbin thinks his breathing is erratic so he makes up by closing his eyes further. He can hear plastic bags being placed on the long table and groceries being placed in their proper places.

A person sits on the sofa beside his bed while another sits on the empty part of his bed. The bed dips and Hongbin immediately knows who it is just by the whiff of the light masculine scent he’s very much familiar with. “You think he’ll be okay?” It’s soft and it’s weird considering how the man’s voice is usually deep and resonating.

“He will be. The doctor said it’s just over exhaustion, right?”

It’s a perky tone that Hakyeon especially uses when he’s deeply stressed. One he uses when he wants to reassure himself more than the others. The members hear that tone every once in a while. And the only one that melts that tone away is Taekwoon hyung.

Hongbin’s eyes are closed, but he’s sure that Taekwoon hyung is gripping Hakyeon hyung’s hands now because the leader releases a long and dragging sigh.

“Binnie,” It’s a whisper that he’s sure only he can hear. Wonshik and he have perfected their whispering for years now. Hongbin can feel Wonshik’s fingers entwine with his, squeezing it.

And Hongbin now thinks it’s the perfect time to stop pretending.

Whatever they say, be damned.

He squeezes Wonshik’s fingers back, eyes slowly, as if testing, opens. Wonshik scrambles on the bed, moving closer to Hongbin.

“Bin, you’re awake,” it’s gentle, coaxing even, and it only makes Hongbin want to throw up because he doesn’t deserve this. They should be mad at him instead of worry for him. His fainting will surely have an adverse effect on their comeback, not to mention, all the fuss it’s going to make in their fandom. Hakyeon and Taekwoon are quick to stand beside Wonshik. Jaehwan and Sanghyuk hover near his head, eyes peering over him.

“Guys…” His own voice feels foreign. There’s a desperate want to cough, but all that goes away when Wonshik tries to help him assume a sitting position. He fluffs Hongbin’s pillow and carefully places it behind his back. “You feeling okay now?” It’s Taekwoon hyung who asks this time.

Hongbin wills himself to look, despite the growing guilt inside him. He looks at each and every member’s concerned face and manages a nod. “I’m sorry,” Hongbin murmurs while he looks down. His fingers play with the blanket, a habit he always has whenever he feels hopeless. Wonshik understands it and immediately grabs his hand, forcing Hongbin to look at him.

There’s a lopsided grin on Wonshik’s face as he reassures Hongbin. “Why are you saying sorry? We’re just glad you’re okay now.” Hongbin stares at Wonshik then checks his hyungs for confirmation. Hakyeon furiously nods while Taekwoon just gives him a curt smile.

“We were worried about you, hyung! You need to make sure you eat lots of food! And sleep!” Sanghyuk demands, a pout forming in his mouth while he braces his hands on his hips. Jaehwan only makes a face and reminds Hongbin to take care of himself.

There’s no mention of blame or is there mention of comeback preparations being held up. Hongbin smiles from his bed as he looks at his member crowding on the tub of ice cream, as if they’re children excited to eat dessert in a friend’s house.

“Binnie,” Wonshik asks for Hongbin’s attention as he continues to peel oranges for him. Hongbin smiles at Wonshik and tilts his head to the side. “Take care of yourself, okay? You almost made me have a heart attack.” Wonshik is dead serious and Hongbin knows better than to disagree. He acquiesces with the request and nods at Wonshik.

 

Later when Hongbin is all alone with Wonshik in his hospital room, he cries himself to sleep while Wonshik cradles him in his embrace.

“We’re here, Binnie. I’m here. The hyungs are here. You’re not alone.”


End file.
